dearest

this is for you.

you know who u r.

but i guess u'll never get to read this.

its never meant to be =)

i know.

for the people who has helped esp w.s,q.y,t.r,

tks but its impossible.

dearest,

every night,

i jus spent my night dreaming.

dreaming that,

there'll come a night when

,the phone would ring and it would be you calling.

*its onli a dream*

whatever you say,

whatever you do,

i will never blame you

and in fact,

forgive you no mater what.

you told me that

there

were better guys out there.

but deep inside,

i know that you're rejecting me in a nice way.

*thanks*

dont get me wrong,im not blaming you.

i asked for ur mail,

you gave it to me so willingly.

naive as i was,

i thought you had a change of heart.

i was really over the moon.

overwhelmed with many thoughts

that we could one day be together.

but never did u expect me to find out that u actually deleted me.

when i found out,

i deleted ur email and ur cellphone number immediately

because i hated u.

you said u wan to concentrate on ur Os,

adding u on msn will affect ur studies?

i dont think so.
but no matter how hard i tried to forget u,

i jus couldnt do it.

i was really heartbroken

i told myself that u're not worth

everything that i've done for you.

but deep down,

my heart just yearns for you

i wish that things were back to the past

when you didnt know that i had a crush on you.

maybe that would be better.

the reason why i told you is because i didnt want to regret it.

but now,

it seems like im regretting it more.

if i didnt tell you,

maybe we could even go out together

and be good friends.

sadly,all these were "ifs"

i guess you didnt know that i've actually been creating chances

so that i could see you more often

other than just in school.

i know thats being silly

but i just couldnt help it.

i just wanted your attention.

because in school,

you dont even say hi or look at me.

that look in your eyes,

jus simply makes my heart melt.

whenever i see you,

i just keep telling myself that its impossible between us.

that no matter how hard i try,

we'll never be together.

but another part of me just doesn't want to believe this fact.

that as long as i dont give up,

there would be a glimmer of hope.

i really dont know how long i can take all this

its really tough to see you everyday

and pretend that i dont know you.

people see me as a happy girl smiling everyday,

even if the world collapse.

perhaps,

its because i hide it well.

never allowing people to see my true self.

this is just a paintbrush that i carry around

so that the real me doesnt show.

i think of you just so suddenly sometimes.

and then there would be tears

i've told myself several times that

i should not harbour any thoughts that we could be together.

but i just cant control it sometimes

when i take out my phone,

i just really hope that there would be a msg from u

even if its a blank msg,

i would still be happy.

but all those are just hopes,

it'll never come true.

im sorry for loving you.

i know that this love of mine will never be returned back to me.

but im willing to try.

all i want is to be with you.

whenever you get caught by the discipline teachers,

i am really worried
because i never know if i still can get the chance to see you again

that one week that you got suspended was terrible.

it just breaks my heart to see this.

i cant help it.

written on 11th july 2007

loved since the beginning of this year =)